Holiday Headache

    I realized, last Halloween, that Halloween is my favorite holiday because it's one of the few that doesn't require being around my extended family for hours.
    It became my favorite holiday when I was quite young. Kindergarten.

    Now that I'm an adult, I almost take joy in missing holidays.
    We decided to have our own Thanksgiving again this year. It was a relaxing day.
    Christmas however, is still up in the air.

    I don't want to deny my kids the opportunity if they want to go to family events.
    I also will never, ever ever again leave any of my children with those people unsupervised, so, this means that if they do want to go up there, it's the same stress that I've lived through in my childhood.
    Lame.

    I also have a deep resentment for the winter holidays, which I'm sure my kids can feel.
    I get exciting ideas about cutting snowflakes or frosting cookies, and then when the time comes around, I'm cursing up a storm in my head about my mother and grandparents. Instead of doing fun, together things, I have a grumpy day.

    I don't know how to fix it.

    I've been trying to celebrate alternative holidays. Obscure holidays that my family doesn't celebrate, or care about. Like Wintereenmas, a video game playing week. Or pi day, a day to celebrate the math idea of pi, by eating pie!
 

    I'm not sure how to alleviate this stress.

    One very stressful solution would be to give those that stress me out a list of "What I need in order to continue our relationship."
    Like "I don't feel comfortable leaving my children with you without me present. If you want to continue to have a relationship with me, don't ever tell my kids that they are staying the night with you, ESPECIALLY before asking me. Unsupervised time with them is not an option. In return, we can all go to public places together, like the carousel and parks."

    It seems very aggressive, but I doubt it's any more aggressive than trying to remove myself from the family and not talking to them ever again. That's what I've been doing so far and despite my stubborn intervals of silence and grumbly hatered, they still as me to holidays.

Something New

    It seems like, I'm happiest when I get outside every day. So, I'm thinking about trying to wake up all the babies and get them dressed before 7 am. That way, we can all go to our little park in the morning to drop the oldest off at school.

    I'm hoping that playing in the morning will wear them out and they'll be more willing to sleep at bedtime. Maybe even nap time to.

     I believe step 1 is to get them dressed and out the door as soon as they wake up at 9.
     I'll do that for a while, timing how long it takes them to get dressed when they have the promise of park. Once they can get dressed on time, I'll start waking them up at 8, and then 7.

    Today is an early day, so I'm off to try right now at 8.

    Wish me luck!

Alligator in the Bathroom

    Well, my husband jumped out of bed, prepared to save a lizard.

    He rushed past me with the lizard on his chest and started the bath with lukewarm water.
    I called our park manager and asked if anyone had reported a missing iguana. She said no, so I told her to pass on my number if someone did.
    She recommended I check Craigslist for their lost and found, and I did, finding nothing.

    Eventually I had to head off to work.

    He might have been dead when we brought him in. The water didn't ripple at all. He didn't seem to be breathing.

    After the mind-draining work, I came home and had completely forgotten about the lizard in the bath tub.

    Well, the next day, my animal-loving baby-child, Lulu needed to potty. She has a little kiddo potty that she uses in the living room, but she wanted to go "to the big potty."
    So I took her, and she noticed.

    She gasped in delight, and remembered.
    "Momma!" She gushed excitedly. "There's a alligator sleepin' in the bathtub!"
    Oh! My sweet little girl! I thought. My heart ached for her. She had discovered a new pet, and it was already gone.
    "Oh, it's sleeping?" I whispered to her. "We better be quiet then."

    "Yeah," She whispered back. "Gotta be quiet. He's sleepin."

    At this point, we'd had the lizard in our bathtub for a day and a half. We had to forgo tubbys for a night, and I was getting really antsy about bleaching it.
    I made one last vain attempt to find an owner before I snuck the lizard out the back door when Lulu couldn't see.

    Well, she remembered, and a few hours later, she insists on checking on him.

    I hadn't bleached the tub out, or thrown out the bottle he was resting on. I did wrap him up in the towel he was on.

    She peeked into the tub.
    "He's gone!" She whispered.

    "Oh goodness!" I said. "Where do you think he went?"

    She thought for a bit.

    "The window!" She was still whispering. "He go outside."

    "Ah! I bet you're right." I whispered back.

    "Let's go look for him." She had such impressive conviction. "Alligator," She called through out the house.

    At some point of getting her outside clothes on, Daddy had asked her if he went outside and found his family.

    So we headed outside and looked for the alligator and his family.


    It's been a week and when we walk to the park, she still looks for him.
   

Surprise Neighbor Attack

   Once upon a time, about last Saturday, our neighbor came knocking on the door.

    It was morning so I was still in my jammie pants, and I'm paranoid, so naturally, I hissed at the closed door.
    It was a day I was letting my fantastic husband sleep in, so I answered the door all morning looking.

    "Did you guys lose an iguana?" He asked.

    "N-no, why? What's up?" I stammered.

    "There's one out back on the rose bush, and as far as I know, they're not indigenous-" He goes on a bit and I'm processing that it is currently 29 degrees Ferienheight (that's about 4 degrees below freezing). I happen to know that that will easily kill our cold-blooded friend.
    I mentioned bringing him inside.
    "They bite, don't they? I don't want to grab it if it's gonna bite me." He said.

    "Well alright," I said. "Let me put this baby down and then you can show me where it is."
    I bustled into the bedroom, which woke up my husband.
    "Sorry Love! I didn't mean to wake you. We have to save an iguana."

    Having had iguanas in his youth, my husband jumped up, jumped into clothes and jumped outside to rescue the iguana.

    . . . to be continued . . .
 

Rolling with the Punches

    I love holidays.
    Well, I love some holidays.

    I love Halloween and the Day of the Dead. October is very much my favorite month.
    Every year, on November 3rd, I think about starting on next year's Halloween projects.

    "If I start now," I explain to myself, "our costumes will be SOOO AWESOME!"
    Or, "I can start knitting right now and have a garland of tiny scarecrows to hang up next Halloween!"

    It seems like a lack of money always prevents me from my goals. I'm going to try again though!

    Knitting scarecrows, autumn leaves, and pumpkins! Here I go!

    Two of the little ones fell asleep right before trick-or-treat time, so me and the two oldest ones went around our neighborhood.

    It was fun. They wore themselves out.
    On our way home, I was asking them if they wanted to hit the houses with lights on.
    My oldest was complaining that her legs hurt from going up and down the apartment stairs, but every time we were about to pass a house;
    "Just one more." She'd say. So cute.
    My 3yr old was dragging her bag of candy, but she'd point to the houses as well. They weren't done until we were home.

    I love Halloween. I love autumn. I love the cool air at night and I love the lack of Christmas songs.

Redefining Holidays

    Holidays are usually so stressful. I end up thinking too much and complaining about how far out of our way we'll have to go to cater to all the grandparents.
   This year, the two tiniest babies fell asleep, and our car died about four days ago. Since my car died I've been needing rides to work  and it's really draining to think about. With a family that doesn't fit in the standard car, getting a ride for Halloween was just about impossible.
   It really pushes your limits to be put on the spot like that. And stressed. It really pushes your limits to be stressed all the time.

    Given what we could at the time, I ended up taking the two oldest girls out while Daddy watched the two smallest ones sleep at home.
    We didn't visit each and every grandparent to show off costumes. We didn't drive to each end of town, and we didn't find "all the best houses." We just went and discovered who lives in our own area.

    You know what? It's was incredibly nice!

    I really don't like the area I'm living in. Leaving is my motivation that keeps me blogging every day. However, there are a lot of nice people who live around here and I'm glad I know that now. Had I not been forced to look past the loud, obnoxious people I see every day, I probably wouldn't have known we had anything else.

    I get the feeling that exploring your own space during Halloween used to be more community. I expect before cars, playing around in your neighborhood was more common.
    I can't wait to find a place where we can fit in. A place with lots of parents who have done parenting classes and CARE about their little ones.

    I can imagine wandering around my own neighborhood on Halloween, where everyone is an understanding parent, and it sounds amazing!

Halloween!

    Halloween! I'm so excited!

    My oldest is a kangaroo. Next is Remi the rat. Next is a bear and the littlest is a flower.

    Our only car broke last Thursday, so we won't be able to explore as much as I was planning on, but that's fine. We'll figure it out.

    Halloween was always my favorite holiday. Not because of the candy, or the parties, or dressing up, or all the scary stuff. It's always been my favorite holiday because it wasn't one where I had to dress up all uncomfortably in scratchy, lacy dresses and eat around my mother's family.

Repition

    I'm not really sure why kids want to watch their favorite movie over and over and over again, but I'm going to be honest, I never grew out of it. There are a few songs I could literally listen to all day without getting bored of them.
    I generally dislike using the T.V as a crutch, but I do.
    At 4 am, when one of my girls just decides to be awake, and it's too early for coffee, because I'd really like to go back to sleep, but I'm for realsies too tired to open my eyes properly, I turn on a movie.
    Don't get me wrong, I'd love to continue watching our weekend movie. We make popcorn and assemble on the couch for cuddles together.
    It's a refreshing, end-of-the-week treat.

    We were doing so good for a while. We'd set a "one movie a day" limit and we stuck with it for a few weeks.
 
   Inertia; something in motion will remain in motion, unless something stops it.
   It seems like, as soon as it comes on, it stays on. It's like it's so much easier to walk over, change a disk, wait through the previews to press play than it is to walk over and press the three power buttons. (For those curious out there, one for the DVD player, one for the T.V and one for the sound system).
    When it comes on before I'm awake, I feel like I've lost the battle.

    I've kept the sink clear of dirty dishes for the past two days. I've kept Lulu's teef brushed every night for the past two weeks and I've managed to give our teeny tiniest her K drops nearly ever day since she was born.
    It's my Monday today, but next week, I think I'll add the one movie goal back in.
    I seem to have the hardest time keeping with a routine or schedule, but I'm going to keep working at it until something sticks.

Breezy's Babies today

    Babies are crazy.

    The past few months, I think I've been holding a child 95% of the time I spend at home, and so has my husband.
    It's hard to clean the eternal pile of stuffies on the floor, or do dishes while babies are awake, but it's amazing.
    I love bringing my daughter's monkey to life. There is hardly anything more fun than chasing one around on all fours growling, and then to have another growl back at you.

    I love playing with my kids. It's amazing that I have that opportunity, nearly every moment of every day.
    To have the four little faces and my husband all looking at me lovingly, it's just awesome!

Baby Blues

    I've been sleeping on the couch quite a lot more than I usually would lately, because of our new little addition.

    I can't say it's harder having a new baby for those who are mentally different because I don't have many families of neurotypical people that I know to compare against.

    I think we're doing pretty good. We are generally happy, yes sleep deprived, but we are more compassionate and understanding with our kids than most people I see out and about our town.
    I do miss my husband though.

    I miss cuddling him and smelling him while I sleep.

Consistency is hard.

    I love it when we get through a week or two where we go to the park, eat healthy dinners together, get all the hair brushed and get all the dishes cleaned in the same day, and limit ourselves to one movie a day.
    That feels great.

    It's lasted for 2 months before! BUT, there is always one day where four cups get left in the sink. A baby gets sick so we watch Peep all day and eat chicken soup. Maybe it's stormy or 6 degrees outside so we don't end up at the park. It seems like all it takes is one misstep and then we have bored, naked babies watching T.V all day with messy hair, refusing all forms of dinner and staying up in bed until midnight.
    It really bothers me that this phase will last longer than our "put-together" phase.

    I'm really trying to figure out what we do differently when things are going well, but I don't know.

    Hopefully, someday, we'll get it figured out and our "put-together" phase will last longer than anything else.

Could I handle another?

   I met someone recently who had been successfully selling a book that he'd wrote for years and it rekindled my passion for writing novels.

    He recommended starting a blog in about my novels, but considering how hard it's been to blog today in between taking care of my cute little girls, I don't know if I could manage yet another blog.

Sign Language

    My two-year-old daughter doesn't use many spoken words. It's usually "Nooooo" when I ask her if she wants a particular food. 

   I don't know if she's Aspie, like her momma. I don't know if she has some other thing that makes her not want to talk. I just know that my little baby girl is very frustrated because she can't communicate what she wants.

    I've been picking up Sign Language words for things she frequently wants, such as;

"Bath"

"Milk"

"Tea"

"Chocolate"

I couldn't find pepperoni, so I found "Meat"

    She hasn't used any yet, but she is beginning to relate the actions with the things she wants. I'm hopeful. 

Considering School

    I'm 28, er, 29. Honestly, ever since I turned 21, I kind of stopped caring about my age, however, I've been really really thinking hard this morning, and I think I'd like to go to college and become a psychiatrist, or at least a psychologist.

    The thing that scares me the most about going to school is the idea of missing out on my girls' childhoods.

    I don't have the mental fortitude, or willpower to be away from them very much, so being away at school while our tiny is learning to walk just breaks my heart.
    I've always wanted to start a business or start some sort of passive income generator, but the truth is, out of all the attempts I've made, none have worked out so far so I'm still working.
    My youngest daughter just turned two months old, and I've been working since she was three weeks old.
    My grand ideas of having a business and being able to spend time with my girls is taking quite some time, so I guess, if I'm going to be gone, multiple days every week, I might as well be going to school for something that can lift us up out of poverty.


    I know my Aspie brain is pretty cool, and I know that with the right support, I could be doing pretty advanced math, but, I'm perpetually the 9 yr old 4th grader who was put in special ed math for crying.
    Yes, I do see it as a punishment. Yes it did stunt my math abilities, and yes, I would probably have done the same if I were my teacher.
    After all the panic attacks and suicidal thoughts I had because of elementary school, I really wish there was a way to magically have gone to school.
    I do wish I'd learned what I wanted to be with everyone else, when we were still round-faced, 20 yr old kids.

    But I take this joy I've found in life and wrap it around me like a big, fluffy blankie.

    It's time. Wish me luck.

Fishy Update

    Thankfully, Jesse has had a full recovery!

     No sad little girls today!

    Jesse is a common goldfish, a.k.a "a feeder fish." Common goldfish tend to be very skittish and shy, probably because they are breed to be eaten, so it took a bit longer for Jesse to become friendly than his late tankmate, who was a friendly fantail goldfish.

Gakou Kimerly 2010 - 2015

    However, now that he's an older fishy, Jessee LOVES attention, and he LOVES the little girls who LOVE to feed him fishy treats out of their little hands. Mostly Bubbles. 

    His tank is directly behind our table, so in the morning when my husband and I are enjoying our wee, baby-free hours in the morning, sipping coffee and chatting, Jesse is right there, blub-blubbing at us and dancing so we can see him. 

    Our fish is a pet, not a decoration. He'd love to be with us all the time, like a golden retriever. When we clean the tank, he's rubbing on our arms and nibbling those treat-giving fingers. 

    I'm so glad he's still with us. 

Finally!

    My oldest daughter is bright. Very bright. She could write the alphabet before she was 3 and was dividing when she was 5, so when her teachers in kindergarten said she had trouble remembering the four letters they were learning, I was rather concerned.

    I've always felt like I could teach her more than she could learn at school, however, she was 6 before she had any siblings. I wanted her to go to school to socialize since I didn't know anyone with kids her age and I myself am not great at socializing so the idea of joining groups and classes for her to be able to find friends was just terrifying at the time.

     A few parent-teacher conferences into her school life and I discovered quite quickly that friendship is not a concern of any of her past teachers.
    Most of them could not tell me if she was playing with kids at all.

    It was terribly, terribly heartbreaking.

   Since she was born, I've been fighting to make that little girl's life as happy and nice as I possibly can, but it seems like the world has been fighting back pretty hard when it comes to her, until yesterday.

    Yesterday was the first breath of fresh air I've ever had while fighting for my daughter.

    We went to a psychological testing appointment and for the very first time, she didn't tell me there was nothing wrong with my daughter.
    When my little girl started crying about not being able to make friends, the psychologist suggested a family counselor who'd be able to put us in touch with social groups.

    I am so relieved to finally have help.

   

4 am, again-again

All three of my teenest tinies woke up. Not sure why, but they were easy to get back to sleep today.

In these dark, comfortable wee hours of the morning, it's almost nice to enjoy these stolen cuddles.

    Next August, I'll be 30 and I was really thinking about that yesterday.


   When I was 12, I had these grand dreams of saving money so that when I turned 18, I could buy some land and plant a tree and then build a house, and I figured that if I planted a tree then, by the time I had kids in my mid to late 30's the tree would be tall enough to be a good place for a tree-house.
    Such ambitious goals.

    I never managed to save more than $200, and even that didn't stay. so here I am, 29.

    It really is crazy, and while I'm typing away at 4 am to work to that goal of having enough money for everything we need, I just really love this life.

    We don't have enough room, and honestly, I'm kind of giving up on Missoula because I'm not finding many nice people here, but sitting with my little girl on my lap is so awesome.

    She's being wiggly and painful on my lap, but these little cuddles are worth so many unpleasant nights at work. They are worth all the sleep deprivation and every poo diaper changed.

    It's so amazing how precious my kids are to me. I really appreciate them, and my husband.

Oh Fishy, Fishy Fish

As a mommy of four girls, three of which are under four, I don't sleep much.

    I'm too tired to blog today.

    Sometime in 2011, when my oldest daughter was about 5, I let her pick out a fish.
    Surprize! She, of course, picked out a 20 cent feeder fish, half white, half orange, and named him Jesse, because, at the time, she named everything Jessee.

Baby Jesse in 2011

    It was good, that he was 20 cents, it was bad that he was a feeder fish, which remain untreated when they are sick and are generally not cared for as well as fish that sell for more than a dollar.

    Well, Jesse is a beloved part of our family now, being hand fed every morning by my husband, me or very lovingly fed by Bubbles, our animal loving mini-momma.

    Yesterday, while feeding him, Bubbles mentioned that he had an owie on his tail.

    He had gone through an infection that resolved itself the day I got him some tetracycline, so to see it crop up again, I freaked out and dropped the tetracycline in the tank, forgetting that that will kill off the helpful bacteria in his filter.

    Fun fun.

Big Jesse in 2016

    Also, we had run out of his fishy treats, And, the heater in his tank wasn't working well enough to keep a sick fishy warm.
 
    Without his treats, Jesse, a.k.a Fishy got sadder and sadder. He barely breathed and sat on the bottom of the tank, and it seemed like something else needed to be done.

    I sat next to him and pet his tank to remind him of all the krill we hand feed him every morning, and he stared at me. Even with his tiny fishy brain, he acknowledged me with sad, sick eyes, and I was sad too.
    When that fish finally does go, I know a lot of little girls who will be quite sad.

    Well, I ended up running to the store, late at night, or super early this morning, I suppose, at 1 am.

    After much deliberation over Walmart's very limited fish food and aquarium heater selection, I ran home like a superhero to Save Our Pet!

    He ate five pinches of shrimps which was all the food he'd had since he stopped eating the day before, and this morning, he's swimming around like he doesn't have a bright red tail.

   It's good to see.

Pictures

    So, as someone who's identity was "borrowed" and used nefariously as a child, it makes me really nervous to put obvious pictures of my children's faces online.

    I guess even the creepy way people use pictures of other people's kids isn't necessarily something I'd be honestly afraid of, but in general, I think people sacrifice WAY too much of their children's privacy with the amount of adorable pictures they put on social media.

    This isn't to say I don't love, love, LOVE the pictures.

    I know a few other mothers who have four babies themselves, and every time I see a collage they post on Facebook, I like them, with the like button and in my heart, I really do like them, but I'm still going to avoid doing it myself.

    Having said that, I discovered a new-to-me option on the gallery app of my Note5 where you can make collages!
    So fun! I've made so many adorable collages, and I'm so tempted to just spam my blog with their adorable little faces, but I can't.

    I cannot do that and feel good about myself. I can't do that and feel safe.
   

    I still have a deep desire to show off my cuties before they get bigger, well, actually I have a deep desire to show them off, at each step.

    I want to share, I want to meet more parents and connect and gush over the mutual cuteness of each other's kids, but I guess I'll just have to go "old-school" by making friends, getting numbers and texting pictures.

4 am, agian

   Oh sleep.
 
Ode to sleep:

   Oh sleep.
   How lovely are your features
   I love NOT falling asleep while driving because I've rested so restfully in my bed.
       I miss you.



    The biggest sacrifice to babies is sleep. (Period) in an absolute sense. Absolutely absolute. Goodbye sleep.

    . . . She might be out again. I'm gonna go curl up with her on the couch.
They give the best cuddles!

Don't You Wish?

    "Don't you wish one of your girls was a boy?"

    "Are you going to keep trying until you get a boy?"

    After I tell people I have four daughters, I get these questions a lot. A LOT.


    "Don't you want to know what it'd look like if you had a boy?"
    I know what a boy would look like. He'd look just like his sisters because they look so much alike, people ask me if they are twins.

    My husband and I horrified everyone after my first pregnancy by not expressly wanting a boy.
    Why does everyone care so much?

    "Are you hoping for a boy this time?"
    Everyone asked that, everyone, with my second, third and fourth daughters.

    "We really don't care what gender it is. We love all our babies." This was our very, very honest response.

    Honestly, why? Why does gender matter so much? When my daughter smears peanut butter all over her tummy, would it be any less cute or obnoxious if she had boy parts instead? When they color or play with their fake food, or *gasp* even dolls!?! would it be any different?

   At 3 and under, absolutely not.


   Even my 10-year-old bookworm would not have been different if she was a boy. Maybe she'd wear different clothes, as a boy she could still be into her "unicorn pooping under a rainbow" t-shirt, maybe not, so I really don't understand why my deep affection for the four of my girls, despite their single gender is such a confusing and possibly slightly offensive idea. Why do I need to resent at least one of them for having the "wrong" gender?
    I really don't care if other women want "one of each." That's their thing. I just really don't care about gender.

   If we had had a boy instead of any of our girls, I would have loved him, just like I love our girls. Someday, when we have more room, we might have a boy, or adopt a boy and his boyness would have absolutely no effect on how much we loved him. Which would be heaps!

Stronger

    Last night, I got terribly nauseous. I ate a family member's food who is not particularly good at food safety, so I was kind of expecting an upset stomach and nausea, but I wasn't really prepared for the full body ache.
    From about 5pm on, moving at all was hard and it took all I had to avoid being crabby.

    Well, both Icy and Bubbles fell asleep past nap time, around 7pm, which is that terrible time where they might be down for the night, but probably not.
    Well, we let them sleep which resulted in them waking back up and staying up 'til 1 am. FUN.

    It was so cute though, when Bubbles woke up she wasn't pleased about it.
    "I awake!" She lamented angrily, cuddled in her blankies.


    Around 5 am this morning, chaos ensued. Babies woke up and woke up more babies and then there was a morning filled with screams in the darkness.
    Like the good mother I hope I am most of the time, I cooed gently to Icy. I got her a bottle, started a sleepy movie for her, brought our littlest out to the living room and then RAN TO THE BATHROOM!

    As I finished the horrible tummy experience I was expecting, I could hear a little two-year old, meandering and whimpering down the dark hallway. She sounded like a sad little lamb, lost in the woods, all abandoned and alone.
    Even though I was feeling quite miserable, and I was also very busy, I called out to her, and let her know that I was in the potty.
    She curled sadly against the bathroom door and continued to whimper at me as I reassured her.
    I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing, but if one leans from my toilet, one can open the door. I warned her about the smell I was currently making, but I opened the door for her, and the relieved way she waddled in and climbed up on my lap was precious.

    Sitting there, still stuck on the potty with a terrible tummy ache, holding my daughter, I realized I was stronger than I thought.
    The night before I had imagined that I couldn't handle any more of anything. That day I was planning on sinking into a warm tubby-tub and hide from the world for the rest of the day.

    Even in my potty time, it was quite obvious that she was deriving great comfort from being on my lap, with me in the way-too-bright-for-this-early-in-the-morning bathroom than she would have been getting from her warm blankets in the unsmelly living room with her movie.

    The strength we find in the dregs of our energy barrels for our children is astonishing.

Dippy Eggs

    Once upon a time. . .
             when I was a baby Breezy, my cousin and her sister loved "dippy eggs" which were over easy eggs that they'd dip their toast in.

    As a child I found the "raw in the middle" idea of over easy eggs made me, uneasy. I was horrified. Mortified. Terrified. Disgusted. Yuck.


    But then, my other cousin introduced me to a food she called "Cowboys." In V for Vendetta Gordon calls it "Eggy in the Basket."
    Apparantly they are sometimes called a "Bird's Nest"

   If you do call it "Eggy in the Basket" please do your best at the accent. It's just so much better that way.

    It's a buttered piece of toast with a circle removed from the center, usually with either a round cookie cutter or a cup's edge. An egg is fried, over-easy, in the center and the bread puck from the center is fried to, to dip in your dippy eggs.



    Well, fast forward years later and I make Cowboys for my husband. To begin with, he was also horrified and disgusted, but after about two, he began his long, loving relationship with dipping things in his dippy eggs. When he started his keto diet, he switched to dipping his bacon in over-easy eggs. He adores them.

    I make them for our kids and they also love the dippy eggs.

    Well, fast forward even more and a few weeks ago, while he's out drinking with friends.
    It's not the most pleasant day he's had. After drinks, they go out to eat and he orders "Dippy Eggs," because, well, he's always been a daddy. . . aaaaand he's never heard me refer to them with their adult title, over easy.
    Luckily for him the waiter was either a daddy himself, or served enough kids who love dippy eggs because he knew what my love was refering to.

   Tehe. woops.

She Missed

For those of you who've seen Daddy Day Care, there is the "I Missed" scene.

    That was my morning yesterday.

    Someone had an upset tummy while she was asleep and came out to the living room covered in GROSS!
    She's sensitive to being yucky so I had to sacrifice my shirt to hold her close and happily inform her that it's Tubby Time.

    I washed her while Daddy washed ALL the bedding and Bubble's favorite book, Brown Bear, Brown Bear. After I set her up with a movie, I helped, washing the wall, some dolls she got into and the trail of GROSS on the floor that winded down the hallway.

   I ended up scrubbing the mattress until I was late for work.


    Before my oodles of kids, situations like this would have horrified me and made me sick to my stomach.
    Now, AC (after children) I was unfazed by the GROSS and my main concern was my possibly sick little girl and making sure she was getting fluids during the chaos.


    How was your morning?

Always Money for Diapers

    We don't make much.

    We survive on a very tight budget (YNAB if you're interested), however, last night when I discovered that we were in fact out of diapers for our oldest two babies, we found the funds!

    Always diapers! Always

Carousel

It's the little things in life that make it so fun.
Little things like little girls and getting to the park and back, fully dressed and in one piece.

I Think I Can!

Can I. . .
Get the girls fed, brush teeth and hair and get them dressed before noon today?

I think I can!

Can I . . .
Pack them all up and enjoy a day at our local children's museum today?

I think I can!

Can I . . .
Keep them happy and playful while we're out of the house today?

I think I can!


Time to give today a try!

Ug Work

    I don't take a break on the weekends, I work.

    I work at 10:45 today for $9/hr until 6:00pm and I really don't want to anymore.


    I'd love to move somewhere better for my family.

    Somewhere with more parents with 3+ kids.
    Somewhere that pays more than $9/hr on average.
    Somewhere where there are nice kids for my oldest daughter to befriend.


    I'm not there yet.
    Right now I have to leave my month and a half old baby to work, and I can tell you, it's so hard, but it keeps us living in our house. It keeps diapers on those cute little butts, so whenever I have to drag myself through two delicious cups of coffee before I can stop resenting the day, I hug my girls bye-bye and provide what I can for them
                                        . . . until I can provide more for them.

Extra Love

    Isn't it amazing how much some extra love can help?

    Extra love is like a panacea (cure-all) for all kid things.

    Oh no! A fall down?
I prescribe a kiss or two.

    Throwing?
I prescribe a "throwing can hurt people, Honey," Followed by four extra hugs for the next two weeks.


    Jealousy?
I prescribe movie night with family cuddles and optional popcorn.



    One of my daughters is quite pestery. She thoroughly enjoys knocking stuff over and throwing and all sorts of other naughty things, and if she gets caught and gets negative attention, BONUS! It's like icing on her little cake of mischief.
    She's not doing it for the attention. If we ignore her, she will continue to throw things or draw on her face, she just thinks being caught is fun, like hide and seek.


    However, I've been cuddling her at night, being super sweet and going way out of my way to hug her more and make her feel more loved by her momma.
    I have to say, it's really, really made her a better little girl.

   If you love your babies, make them know it. It makes life so much easier

Waking up. . . dum dun duuuun, the Icy!

   One of my kids is hard to wake up, not in that it's difficult to coax her awake, in that it's hard for me to mentally prepare to parent her.

   I often find myself hoping to wake her up at 7 am, but procrastinating until 9am.

    I feel really bad that I find her to be so challenging, and I make sure she feels loved, and that we have fun together all the time.

  With hugs and quiet time, her tantrums and throwing as gotten a lot better, but she's still the one that takes the most energy.

    Saying that, aside from a few hours, I can't imagine what I'd do with her if she were gone for a day.

So Much Pumping!

    Since my newest daughter is a whole six weeks (or month and a half) old, and I have to work to keep us scraping by, she's developed nipple confusion! NooOOOoooOOOoo.

   So, she only loves the bottle so I've been pumping and pumping and pumping breast milk to keep her, not only fed while I'm home, but to feed her while I'm at work.
   Holy Crap!

   We ran out of our filtered water, so for a few days, I switched from drinking a half gallon of yummy water, to a half gallon of tap water.
    I didn't really think it'd make much of a difference, but I will tell you that I got so incredibly dehydrated. My mouth was dry and my milk supply dropped off by 12 oz. TWELVE OUNCES!
   I've been desperately squeezing anything I can, and as a result, I'm sore and exhausted while I chug water and try to make up for that lost milk. I've been dipping into the frozen reserves and now I have nothing for Thursday, when I work. :/ Lame.

   The hell's up with tap water!?

Do You Ever. . .

    Do you ever wake up anytime from 3-6 am due to your kids, fail to blink your eyes open as you stumble through the hallway and think,
   "This is ok, I wanted to wake up early to workout anyway."

   And then you put on a movie for the tiny awake child, because yes you need the electronic babysitter when you feel like you might pass out like a narcoleptic 'cause you're running on, oh about 3 hours of sleep? And you really don't want to wake up to permanent marker on the walls, again, which, where did they even find a permanent marker? Didn't you put them ALL up in the pen drawer that you moved up on top the fridge the last time?
    Anyway, get milk. Maybe the tiny will go back to sleep on the couch and you'll have just enough time to drift off in your computer chair for 15 minutes before your alarm goes off again, which for reason you didn't hear the first time because you must have turned it off in your sleep.

   Time to start the day!

   Crap! What about the workout!?

Birfday!

    My third baby turned 2 yesterday!

    That little girl has so much emotion!

    She wanted outside all naked in the morning, so I got her sisters ready for a park adventure. Birthday girl didn't want clothes, so eventually I figured she wanted to stay with Daddy, but when we opened the door, naked birthday girl rushed out!

   Like a seasoned mommy, I grabbed a quick dress and some warm fleece pants and threw them on her before we were off our porch.

   The skills you acquire and perfect as a multi-parent are funny.

   I've been able to pick up things with my feet since I was a child, but now I can open doors and throw away garbage without hands.


   What's your favorite parent skill?

Feelin' Down

    I work at an arcade. I go to work every day and it seems like I can woo any tiny kiddo into the darkness of laser tag. They go in trembling, on the verge of tears, and they come out bouncing around, ready for me to turn the mind-boggling loud music on.
   I cuddle little crying cuties who've lost their siblings, their new crappy toy or candy and I feel productive. I feel awesome that I can help anyone's kids.
   I teach parents the I Feel Statements. "I feel _______ when you ________ because ______ and what I need is _________." It helps them be better parents. All the parenting books and classes and research bubbles up within me and I feel like a brimming fount of parenting awesomeness! . . .


   Until I get home.

    When I'm looking up how to teach kids how to wipe with peanut butter to teach my 10 yr old something I thought she got down, 5-7 years ago, when she was 3-5 years old and still potty training, I feel pretty bad about myself.
    When I come home and my 2 yr old with her chronic anger is slapping her sisters and her father, I feel all of my awesomeness drain right out of my toes, seeping through the floor and into the ground, so deeply beneath our home that I can never hope to even imagine of getting it back. It's like I never put years into being the good parent I feel like I am when I'm not around my own, adorable kiddos.

My Difficult Daughter

    My oldest daughter is 10. She's from a previous marriage and I love her entirely.

    Without realizing it, she can be blunt, awkward and sometimes straight up mean with her words, but she's a sweetheart who is working on saying the nicest truth, and loves her growing fan club of tiny sisters.


    My problem is that she's come back from her father's house with a type of food poisoning called campylobacter.
    It's horrible. It makes her constantly smelly, gives her horrible tummy cramps and since she doesn't take showers at his house, she gets very unhygienic sores on her bottom.



    It's so difficult to get her to more independent while she's over there. Even when I call her and remind her to shower, I have no way of knowing if she will.

    It's difficult to not raise her Friday and Saturday.
    It's difficult to see her hurt and not be able help.

Raffie the Lamb

   We have a lot of giraffes in the house, like, four I can think of without looking, so when someone got my daughter a Lamb Hottie from  Aroma Home, she named it "Raffie," like all the other raffies in the house.

    They are filled with a lavender hot pack that you warm in the microwave and they are wonderful!

Five Things

    I'm all about self-improvement and one thing that keeps coming up is the number five.
    Warren Buffet has a brilliant Two-List System where he says to work on only the five most important things to you.

   My top 5 would be related to creating and sticking to a consistent schedule:

• Number One is, and will always be, Be the Best Parent I Can Be
• Number Two is, and will also probably always be, Explore New Ways to Make Money
• Make teeth brushing teeth a priority through out my family
• Pump milk more than twice a day. (Quite a challenge)
• WAKE UP ON TIME!! (The most challenging)

I Think I Have Girls

    There is a bunch of things in my house which makes me suspect there is a girl infestation in my house. What do you think?

There's a bunch of frillies, waiting for a hand washing in my tub.

I caught a glimpse of one tearing apart the couch!!

Pile of blankets? Or not?

I found one in the cabinets!!

My Daughter Loves Creepy Crawlies!

    Ok, it's not a secret that Bubbles loves spiders and bugs, but going through the piles of adorable baby pictures I have in my phone, I realized how very much she loves bugs.
    We have to take a picture before they go to live outside. Three house spiders and one beautiful moth. Crazy

Diaper Reward Addiction

    You know, even with four babies, I've never gotten enough points from any Diaper Reward System to get any rewards, but every time I see a code, I have a strange impulse to log on and type it in.

   I feel it's an addiction!

   Huggies, Pampers. Every time I go to throw away GARBAGE, but I see a string of numbers and/ or letters, I pause, and despite 99% of my brain that screams
    "JUST THROW IT AWAY!!" That 1% pulls that empty bag of wipes back so I can lob off that code and throw it in the pile of lobbed off codes by my husband's computer so I can hopefully remember to type it in later.

    I've gotten nothing from this relationship but a mess, what compels me to continue with it?

    AHGHHH ADDICTION!

Best Parenting Book I've Ever Read

     I've done a lot of psychological study. I've read a ton of psychological studies in my spare time. If I didn't mind being away from my babies for too long, I'd have gone to school to be a psychiatrist.

    Having said that, I've read a LOT of parenting books. Lots and I have to say, the best I've ever seen came from a brain scientist.

    Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina  goes through brain development and every thing he says he has fact checked so much, that I trust his opinion alone. I don't like to state facts unless I've seen them in three unique places.

   It's an amazing book that is available for free on kindle

   It goes through the science of brain growth and beyond, throwing in great analogies and occasionally his own personal parenting style.

   I recommend it to any parent, new or seasoned. I also recommend it anyone interested in psychology

Mommy Blog Begins

    After starting my blog, My Beloved Bipolar, I noticed that I talk a lot about my kiddos, and that makes sense, since I have four and I love them dearly and, well, my husband and live with them.
    I figured that I might be able to write more about my husband if I started a mommy blog to gush about my kids in.

    Guess we'll see how well it works!

    At first I was resistant to starting a mommy blog, because I didn't know who reads them, but then I realized, I read them!

   I want to connect with more parents! I want to hear about their trips to the park, I want to see their fall crafts, their recommendations for baby products and hear all about their pets.

   Off I go on the mommy blog adventure! Wish me luck!